6 Games For Pool Fun When You Can't Use Toys

 

 

 

 

 

My town has two great pools, but the kids are not allowed to bring toys into the large, main pool. After they've place Marco Polo ad nauseum, they sometimes run out of games to play. So here are six alternatives:

1. Fetch (2 or more players) – Now, toys are not allowed, but goggles and hair accessories are. So one way we get around the rules is to use common permitted items that the kids can dive for, such as goggles (we even keep broken ones for this purpose), hair scrunchies, bracelets, etc. You throw one item and see which kid brings it to the surface first. Note: this can be played with one player if she competes against herself. To do this, time the player and see if she can beat her time in retrieving the object. 
2. Water Leapfrog (4 to 8 players) – Divide players into two teams. Each team is on opposite ends of the pool, standing in chest-high water with their legs spread apart. The last player has to dive and swim through the legs of his teammates and spread his legs. Then the next player goes. The team that reaches the other side of the pool first wins. 
3. What Time Is It Mr. Fox (3 or more players) – This is a variation of a game my son learned in preschool and it's awesome! One person is designated Mr. Fox and stands at the end of the pool while the rest of the players are on the other side. The kids call out, “What time is it Mr. Fox?” Then Mr. Fox says a time and the kids swim that number of strokes toward him. This goes on until Mr. Fox calls out, “Midnight!” Then all the kids swim back to the starting line while Mr. Fox tries to tag one. If Mr. Fox succeeds, that kid becomes the new Mr. Fox. 
4. Contests (2 or more players) – Which kid can dive into the pool: the furthest from the edge, make the smallest/largest splash, can do the funniest dive, can jump the highest into the pool, etc.
5. Sharks & Minnows (3 or more players) – One person is the Shark and stands in the deep end of the pool while the other players are on the side. The Shark yells “lunchtime” and the players standing on the side of the pool have 30 seconds to swim to the other side of the pool without being tagged. Anyone who is tagged has to join with the Shark and try to tag the remaining player(s). This goes on until either all of the kids are bored with playing or everyone has been tagged. 
6. Freeze (3 or more players) – Players gather in the shallow end of the pool with adults or bigger kids on their knees. Players define the physical boundaries of the game so that everyone can stand up. One person is It. At the signal, It has one minute to tag as many other players as possible. Once tagged, a player has to stand “frozen” and raise his hand. Before a frozen player can return to play, an unfrozen player must thaw him out by diving under water and swimming through his legs. A player can't be tagged as frozen while they're under water. At the end of the minute, count how many people It has frozen. Then choose another player to be It. Keep going until everyone gets a turn being It. The winner is the person who has frozen the most people while they were It.

Not being able to have have toys in the pool makes playing games hard, but not impossible. Use the activities above and challenge your kids to come up with even more variations of games they play on the playground. This Summer, like all, is unique. Enjoy it! 

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8 Ways To Make Your Theme Park Visit More Fun

Every year we make a pilgrimage to Hersheypark, the theme park in Hershey, Pennsylvania that really serves as a living advertisement for the Hershey Company. We've been doing it since my son was little and a he's kind of grown up there, passing through each of the height categories which they mark with a product line. He's gone from a Miniature (kids under 36”) to a Jolly Rancher (people who are 60” plus) in the blink of an eye. But we've also gone to plenty of other theme parks, including a few Six Flags, Knobels, and many owned by Disney. 

Over the years, we've developed some “coping strategies” to make theme park visits more pleasant and definitely more affordable. Here are some:

1. Be prepared – Check the park's website for information on how to pay (one park we visited did not take credit cards and we had to run into the nearest town to find an ATM). Find out if there are discount tickets available and figure out which best fit the needs of your family. Hershey offers a Sunset Pass which allows you to enter the park the evening before and enjoy the next day at a bargain price. Whereas this wasn't prudent when my kids were little and had earlier bedtimes, it's great for now when they're older. It means we get more time in the park resulting in less rushing around to see everything.
2. Find out if you can bring in food/water – Yes, this is part of “be prepared” but it's also a money-saving tip. Water costs a lot in these parks, so if you can' bring it in, enter with an empty water bottle and plan on filling up at water fountains or in the bathroom where you can often find the coldest water. Also, in hot weather, many parks are required by law to give you ice when you ask for it. You can hydrate on ice cold water at a fraction of the cost. Similarly, bringing in protein bars and fruit not only saves money, but calories.
3. Plan when to go – Weekends tend to be busier. Cloudy days and weekdays tend to be less busy. Find out if there are any giveaways or special events planned. Those will make the park more congested as well.
4. Buy park souvenirs outside the park – We've found t-shirts and other items with the park's name on them, for a fraction of the cost, at a local Walmart and other retailers.
5. Do recon on the park and develope a strategy – Grab a map of the park, hopefully before your trip, and decide which rides are musts; then head to those first when you enter. By doing that, you'll avoid disappointment when the rides get super long, when the kids get cranky, or if inclement weather hits. If possible, make an itinerary. We always hit the attractions furthest from the entrance, so while most people are meandering through the park toward the back, we're working out way forward, thus avoiding the crowds. Know where shelter is (perhaps in a theater or arcade) and what might be air conditioned. On hot days, knowing where to find cool air will save you.
6. Pack a waterproof bag or backpack – You'll be living in your bag while you're at the park, so make sure it's durable and preferably waterproof. Stock it with hand sanitizer, cheap plastic ponchos, a first aid kit in a Ziploc bag, and sunscreen. Pack extra Ziploc bags to put electronics in to protect them from water rides, spills, or rain.
7. Take pictures of your kids when they first enter the park – In case you get separated, you'll be able to show people what your children look like and what they were last wearing.
8. Take breaks – Your visit isn't a race, it's an experience. Take into account that little feet need to rest. Don't rush the day; savor it.

Yep. We're headed to Hersheypark next month, as we have for the last decade.  The one year we didn't go, the kids missed it terribly and it was then that I realized how much they looked forward to it and how the pilgrimage had become an important part of their childhood memories.  Coping strategies won't entirely eliminate the stress of going, but will minimize it, allowing all of us to enjoy a rare day together, as as family.

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Note:  This post first appeared on the website "Is It Hot In Here?" Menopause, Motherhood & More

Father's Day Funnies

 My daughter and I went to Macy's yesterday to get her father a present. Apparently we were not the only last-minute shoppers. The store's Men's Department looked like a cyclone had hit it. We eventually picked out a tie and shirt for Diva's dad, which got me thinking about some of the funniest quotes by and about fathers that I've seen in Cyberspace. Here are a few:

• "Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up." - Ray Romano

• "My father only hit me once -- but he used a Volvo." -- Bob Monkhouse

• In 1900, fathers passed on clothing to their sons. Today, kids wouldn't touch dad's clothes if they were sliding naked down an icicle. – Source Unknown

• "There should be a children’s song 'If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.'" - Jim Gaffigan

• "I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, 'My dad can beat up your dad.' I'd say, 'Yeah? When?'” -- Bill Hicks

• "Daddy, Daddy, can I have another glass of water please?" "But I've given you 10 glasses of water already!" "Yes, but the bedroom is still on fire!" – Source Unknown

• "My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic." -- Spike Mulligan

• One evening, while sitting around the dinner table, a little girl looked up and asked her father, "Daddy, you're the boss, right?" Her father was very pleased by this and replied, "Yes." Then, the little girl continued, "That's because mommy put you in charge, right?" – Source Unknown

• “Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.” - Bill Cosby

• “You gotta love dads. At my wedding, when I tripped on my wedding dress and fell flat on my face, Dad said, 'Don’t worry, you’ll do better next time.'” – Melanie White

Happy Father's Day, Gentlemen!

~~

Please note that a version of this article appeared on the website:  www.thegeekparent.com.  

Daydreaming, Courtesy Of The White Company

Dreaming of this...

Please note that although I was compensated for this post and that writing on this subject was suggested, all opinions are my own. 

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When I was growing up, back in the Dark Ages before the Internet, I lived for catalogs. Whenever the Sears, Lilian Vernon, or Spiegel books came, I'd snatch them up so that I could dream about what my house would look like when I grew up. I'd rip pages out showing items I wanted to buy, without a thought of cost, to fill my “happily ever after” place. I paid attention to things like high thread count in my linens, ways to “dress” up my tables to coincide with the Seasons, and tried to understand why table runners were important (they add color and texture to your decor). Dreaming blocked out the reality of my family's extremely tight budget and my mother's obliviousness to anything but practical matters like food and clothing.

Recently, I was transported back to my childhood as I looked over the website for The White Company. Unlike my life right now which is happily filled with kids who leave fingerprints on ANYTHING white, family members with allergies that render bed skirts a health hazard, and my own laziness about dusting and laundry, The White Company allowed me to dream as I had in the past.

I looked a white linen tablecloths and napkins, breakfast in bed trays, soap trays, and white bedding Savoy collection has a 400 thread count!). I delighted in the beautiful champagne glass buckets. I puzzled over a ceramic bottle arch (for those, like me, who don't know what they are, they hold bottles of body lotion). All the while, I tried to forget that my kids ignore the rule about playing ball in the house, that we never serve breakfast in bed due to crumbs, and don't have lit candles or diffusers around because our cat resembles a mountain goat in her desire to climb on any surface regardless of the height.

Some things are out of my reach right now, just as they were as a child, but for different reasons. One day, the kids will be off on their own, and there will be plenty of time to buy some of the lovely, impractical things I see in catalogs and on The White Company's website (although the site has plenty of useful items at decent prices) to adorn my retirement home. Until then, I can dream.

So that's what a ceramic bottle arch is!

The Soothsoft Mini Chillow Could Help Kids With Fevers

On my other blog, "Is It Hot In Here?" Menopause, Motherhood & More (http://isithotinheremmm.blogspot.com/2014/06/product-review-soothsoft-mini-chillow.html), I recently wrote a review of the Soothsoft Mini Chillow which is helping me with the hot flashes I get in the middle of the night.  Here, I want to review this product as something that could, potentially, help a sick kid.

Now, the Chillow is a water-cooled cushion that contains memory foam to keep you cool without electricity. I'd read mixed reviews on Amazon, but decided to try it, so I bought, not the full one, but the Mini model.

When you get it, you have to fill the Chillow up with water. This is the trickiest part because you will spill some. The trick is to hold the opening up with one hand while filling the product with the other hand. Then, after the foam absorbs the water, you carefully squeeze the air out during which you spill even more water. I had to squeeze the air out twice to have the Chillow look like it's supposed to in the instructions. You let the thing “rest” for four hours before using and, to get it even cooler, can put it in the refrigerator for up to 30 minutes before using.

After using the Mini Chillow for about a week now, I can tell you that it is not like putting your head something cold; rather, it is cool to the touch. It can absorb body heat, so I don't think you could honestly expect it to cool you down the whole night, but if you turn it around several times, it will definitely stay cool for several hours.  It does have a kind of weird, burnt smell that threw me off the first night or two that I used it, but that smell has subsided. Using it with a pillow case, obviously, raises the temperature a bit, however, since I don't mind sleeping on the plastic side of it, I stopped using it with a pillowcase.

Yes, it helps with hot flashes, but I think it could really help a child who is sick with a fever.  The temperature is soothing and since it doesn't require batteries and is medication free, it would be good for a kid who is, perhaps, age 4 and up since I think it could be somewhat of a suffocation hazard for a child younger than that.  I understand from some of the reviews on Amazon that the product tends to leak or smell funny after a year, but for under $20, I'm willing to spend that for something that helps me sleep.  It could also come in handy when you need a cool, not cold, compress. 

My daughter has always felt warmer to the touch than other kids.  I suspect that she just has a slightly higher body temperature than most.  And since her bedroom tends to be warmer than other parts of the house, even with the central air on, I think this could help her and would certainly help kids whose houses don't have air conditioning. 

Again, the Mini Chillow is available on Amazon.com, I've seen it at Wal-Mart and a few other stores.  I think it's worth keeping in the house for when your child runs a fever. 

Blogging About Teens Is A Combustible Thing

Teens are like fireworks - ready to explode!

Recently, a friend on Facebook was lamenting about how difficult the teenage years are for parents and how, in stark contrast to the number of women blogging about their kids' younger years, there aren't that many of us blogging about the teens. I often mention Junior, who is 13, but I understand why there aren't more of us writing covering this time of life; there are multiple reasons, including, but not limited to:

• We're busy because kids at this age are busy. I'm driving Junior to friends' houses, activities, etc.
  
  
• In addition to our teen, we often have other kids, and keeping the family in check is hard. Schedules are, once again, hectic and trying to keep track of who is where is a challenge.
  
  
• The potential to wound your kids psychologically is enormous, never more so than when they're teens. This embarrassment factor, which can be fun and powerful, can also be damaging to parent-teen relationships. As parents, we realize that our time with these changlings is extremely limited and I, for one, don't want to mess that up by ticking Junior off too badly.
  
  
• They're volatile and bat-shit crazy at this age. Their hormones are racing around, their bodies are topsy-turvy, their relationships are confusing and there's a lot of pressure at school.  Basically, they're tornadoes with legs. Who wants to unnecessarily be on the wrong end of that?
  
  
• What goes on the Web, even if it's taken down, stays on the Web. I, for one, don't want to say the wrong thing which can somehow become a permanent part of Junior's digital footprint.
  
  
• Kids change less quickly during the teenage years than when they were toddlers. The changes are ultimately larger, but they can also be more subtle and less observable when you're with the kids on a daily basis. 
  
  
• Parents of these kids may be in denial. I don't want to think about Junior growing up and moving away and if I don't write about it, then I don't have to face it...until it becomes absolutely necessary.  
  
  
• Many people re-enter the workforce (as I'm trying to do) when their kids become teens and just don't have the time.
  

So I, for one, choose to write about my teen in limited doses, focusing more on how the changes in him affect me, how they're a part of my parenting journey. These are bittersweet years, unlike the predominately joyful first few; they are to be savored and sometimes, just endured.


No, there aren't as many moms writing about teens, so listen to those of us who do (and remember that in addition to the blog you're reading right now, I write another one: http://isithotinheremmm.blogspot.com). Even if your kid is little, your time is coming.  Learn from those us in the midst right now.  And bring cookies. 

It MUST Be Me...

Our family caught with friends and acquaintances this summer.  These are people we like and generally respect; however, I’m flummoxed by responses to some of their children’s behavior and by what they ask their kids to do.

Case in point: Bob and Carol (not their real names) are lovely people whom we’ve known for many years. Their son is Little Timmy, age 7. The other day, Carol told me that their sweet little boy:

• Regularly strips down naked in the house and then jumps up and down on the couch in front of a curtainless window.
• Likes to periodically pee on the front lawn.
• Goes around the house and finishes all the half-full wine coolers he can find.

Carol thinks this is very funny; so funny, that she posts Timmy's antics on Facebook. Bob works late and, although he hears about these little episodes, isn’t around to correct them.

It must be me, because I find Little Timmy’s behavior disturbing. Since Timmy is 7, I would think he should know better and if he doesn't, he’s obviously not being appropriately corrected. I’m just thankful I’m not the neighbors.

Here’s something else I don’t understand: Betty Sue (again, not her real name) is 11, a fine, sweet girl who lives a few houses down from me. I recently saw her strolling up the block carrying a 6-pack of beer. She was carrying it to another neighbor’s house where Mom and Dad were partying with friends on the front lawn. Apparently the party needed more alcohol and who better to fetch it than an 11 year old? Putting aside the fact that we live in an upscale suburb and that the adults were partying on the front lawn like a bunch of frat boys, it must be me who thinks is inappropriate because clearly, Betty Sue’s parents did not.

I do not consider my husband and I prudes. Ok, so we regulate how much sweets our kids have (my daughter has notoriously bad teeth) and how much video they watch lest their brains become mush. But I hope that’s responsible parenting. My children can choose to be naked…in the bathroom and in their bedrooms. And they are free to pee…in the bathroom. No, they cannot drink alcohol before the legal age (besides it being the law and unhealthy, we’re hoping to avoid the temptations of liquor until they’re older). And we would certainly never ask them to fetch alcohol for us; it just seems inappropriate.

My children are well aware of parenting styles we like and do not like. We’ve talked about stuff we deem appropriate and things “we, as a family do NOT do.” Lastly, we’ve discussed that adults parent their children as they see fit and we parent our children in accordance with our belief systems.

Based on what I’ve been told and seen, clearly, many others do not agree. I shake my head pretty often at what others permit their kids to do.  It must be me.

The Mixed (Candy?) Bag That Is Halloween

My Diva wearing Junior's Halloween costume

So the biggest holiday outside of Christmas is three days away: Halloween, that formerly pagan celebration where parents spend mucho dinero on costumes the wee folk will wear for one day so they can go door-to-door begging for candy. I used to get really excited by it, but after spending 13 years of this celebration as a parent, I'm getting a bit weary. I mean, how much candy do kids really need?

The first Halloween we owned our house, I arrived home at about 5:30pm and was just getting out of my car when I heard a cry in the street: “She's home! Get her!” I looked up to find a gang of about eight kids, in costume, running down the hill toward me, their goodie bags open expectantly. I quickly hightailed it into the house and had about a minute before eight little fists began impatiently banging on the door. Talk about a Halloween haunting!

Maybe that's why I feel so ambivalent about Halloween. While I'm delighted that my children have so much fun dressing up and foraging for sugar, there are aspects of the holiday I'm not so keen on.  All of the comparing, for example.  Who has the “better” costume? Who gets the most candy? Who gives out the best candy? Who went out the longest? Which neighborhoods have the best houses from which to score the most/best candy? Why can't they just, as the kindergarteners used to chant, “get what we get and not get upset”?  Also, there is often an appalling lack of manners in the kids who come to my door.  Unless the kids are little with parents behind them prompting, I get a lot of kids at my door who don't even say “thank-you” for the candy I hand them. When I take my daughter out, if I don't hear her give thanks at every door, we stop and review. 

And there's the grossness of some decorations.  I blogged some time ago about how I didn't appreciate how graphic some of my neighbors made their Halloween decorations. They put out some realistic depictions of dismembered bodies that little ones found horribly scary and repulsed me. While I appreciate “freedom of expression,” I also think common sense is in order and wish people would refrain from displaying stuff that scars little kids. And to those who commented on that post that I need to “lighten up” on this attitude, please  list your phone number so that those parents whose toddlers are up at midnight, screaming because of the display on your lawn, might call and keep you up the way the memories of your display are keeping their kids up.

Still, Halloween is fun. Many of the costumes are cute and clever and it's adorable seeing the kids scamper up and down my block with looks of absolute joy on their faces. Then there's the post-trick-or-treating candy negotiations.  When my daughter was a toddler, before she could even read the words on the candy labels, she held her own as she and her brother gleefully surveyed their loot and then traded for whichever candy each liked best. My favorite part of Halloween is, of course, after the kids are asleep and I get to raid their stashes for Snickers or Butterfingers bars. 


No, the kids don't need candy. But in this day and age when kids are being forced to grow up so fast and when they're all virtually addicted to video screens, it's nice that they can have one day of wild abandon when they can just run around and be children. My weariness doesn't matter; those negative aspects of the holiday are purely my issues. One day in the not-to-distant future, I'll be one of those older people who smiles wistfully at the little skeletons and witches at my door, remembering my own wee folk at that age.  is Halloween is truly for the kids. I hope yours have a happy, happy day!

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Thank you for reading!  Come again, won't you?

I Am The Worst Mother In The World

My Dear Children,

I am the Worst Mother in the World.  I know that because you have told me that repeatedly since each of you was 5 (you're now 8 and 13 respectively).  Apparently there are dastardly qualities associated with that title that you've described in great detail.  I am overprotective because I don't let you go where you want to go by yourself.  I am cheap because I don't buy you all the things you want that your friends have. I am nosy because I talk to other kids' moms about you and what you're doing.  I'm intrusive because I explain to elementary school teachers when you don't understand the homework.   I am an alarmist because I monitor what you watch on television and where you surf on the Web.  I am too concerned about nutrition because I don't let you eat candy non-stop.  I embarrass you because I try to get to know your friends.  I make you go to church when you want to stay home.  I force you to take a shower when you just took one last week.  I won't let you stay home from school when some of your friends' moms let their kids play hookey.  I am strict too strict where other parents are not.

Well, too bad.  I am your mother and I know things you cannot possibly know now and will not know until later.  I know that crime in our town is rising and I don't want you to be a victim.  I won't buy you what you want because money is tight and half of the stuff you buy is going to wind up on the floor of your room within a few months.  You don't always get what you want, so appreciate what you have.  That's just the way it is.  Yes, I get to know your friends and their parents because you are who you hang with and I want to make sure those people share our values.  I speak with your teachers because they may not be aware that they're not getting through to you.  I watch what you're watching so I have some common ground with you and can combat some of the garbage the media and Web is exposing you to.  I monitor your food because what you put in your mouth today becomes a part of your health tomorrow.  I make you go to church because you'll need that spiritual foundation when life kicks you to the curb.  I won't let you cut school because school is your JOB and raising you is mine.  I am strict because I love you - no matter what.

Hate me all you want, call me what you want.  I only get one chance with you and I am NOT screwing that up.  Yes, I AM the Worst Mom in the World and I'm proud of that because I am YOUR mom and love you more than anything.

So there!

Love,

Mom

How To Make A Nightmare Catcher - An Empowering Tool

At some point, each of my kids has gone through stages in which they have nightmares.  For my daughter it was especially difficult because for many years she'd also had night terrors; thus, nighttime has always been rough for us.  So when she had nightmares two nights in a row this past weekend, I took action.  Enter The Nightmare Catcher.

I came up with this years ago when her brother couldn't sleep.  You know the Native American  idea of a Dream Catcher?  It's just like that - only scary - for the nightmares.  I found it empowered my kids and gave them a tool to not only fight the scaries but feel safer.  We hung it in the doorway of my daughter's bedroom.  Here's what it looks like from both sides:

Before you make it, you're gonna have to sell the concept.  Ask your child to think about what the nightmares look like and what would repel them.  What would keep nightmares away?  I tell my kids that love, family,  and positive energy make nightmares sick, so symbols of those things help.  Then we get busy with making!  Before I list the materials needed, remember that it's all about giving your kid control over the situation and the project because only your kid knows what the nightmares look like.  It's also about improvising with stuff you have around the house.  No two Nightmare Catchers are alike.

Suggested Materials List

Sticks (Or something to use as the frame.  We gathered sticks from the backyard and she chose how big she wanted the Nightmare Catcher to be.)
String (or something to use as the web)
Buttons, jingle bells (or something that makes noise - this adds another sensory dimension to the project), charms, family pictures, cheap jewelry, lightweight cars, etc.)
A glue gun

Instructions

1.  Form the sticks into a frame.  In ours, we used old chandelier wire and tied the sticks together, weaving them together in a figure 8.  Add a string at the top so it can hang from the door.

2.  Weave the string through the catcher, kind of like a spider weaves a web.  Add as much or as little as your child thinks is necessary.  Since only they know how large their nightmare is, they should tell you how much to use.

3.  Plan what trinkets you're going to put where.  This is where your kid can go crazy!  I've found that adding stuff to both sides helps because your kid can look at it from inside their room and the flip side "repels" the nightmares.    Hot glue the trinkets whereever your "expert" wants you to.

When it's done, hang it on the outside of the door.  For extra "protection" spray some of your perfume or some other scent into the Nightmare Catcher. 

Now, this does require a little maintenance.  Every morning (or when your kid reminds you), you'll need to "empty" the Nightmare Catcher.  We take it down and either wave it outside to "release" the nightmares or wave it over the toilet to flush them down. 

If it's not working, see if you can add more stuff to the Nightmare Catcher.  Maybe it needs to be "stronger." 

I hope this works as well for you as it has for me.  And thank you for reading my non-expert blog (as Martha Stewart recently pointed out - truth be told, I've never read a blog by someone claiming to be an expert!).

:))

I'm Back! And Mom Is STILL Having Trouble Growing Up

After maintaining a different blog and woefully neglecting this one, I am back with new stories about my mothering journey.  They're coming up, but in the meantime, here's a post I wrote a few years back which is really appropriate with the recent start of another school year.  Get your tissues ready - mine are!

Mom's Having Trouble Growing Up

Today I saw an acquaintance in Shop-Rite.  Our eyes lock before filling with tears.  Our brains registered, simultaneously, with the same thought, the same realization, the same sadness.  We are mothers.  Our kids have just graduated 5th grade, leaving the younger part of childhood behind.  As the kids experience growing pains, we, as mothers, are too.

People tell us all the time to enjoy the kids while they’re young.  We do. We meticulously take so many pictures and videos of them, that they’ve become like celebrities around paparazzi.  They’re used to being filmed.   And as much as we want to absorb EVERY FIBER, EVERY MOMENT of their childhood, it’s impossible.  There are too many of those moments and our brains just can’t do it.  Besides, absorbing those moments won’t bring them back.  That’s life.

But I wasn’t prepared for the agony this part of motherhood brings.  The natural progression of my children away from me is immensely painful just as being with them, watching them, is exquisite.  The pain is always present, of course.  Most of the time I’m able to push it away along with other painful truths like the inevitability of death.  The pain of growth throbs again on every birthday, theirs or mine, as I realize we’re moving toward some excruciating farewells.

At my son’s 5th grade graduation yesterday, I could not stop the tears from flowing.  It was embarrassing.  Junior is growing into a wonderful person whom I cannot fathom myself without.  He is on the precipice of the difficult years of puberty.  He has his whole life ahead of him; much of it he will spend without me by his side.  Sure, I’ll be there as a reference, as a safety net, but I’m gradually losing him.  He is afraid.  I am afraid.   And I am sad.

Yet clutching my precious son to me is not an option.  He is a separate entity, as he should be, as he must be.  He cannot be held back.  Just as the sun comes up day after day, even as something life-changing happens, we both have to go on.  His growth is a beautiful, miraculous thing.

Mothers, for centuries, have faced the approaching empty nest.  In my town alone, 450 of us are getting ready to transition our preschoolers into elementary school; another 450 are prepping our elementary school kids to go to middle school.  The same number are getting ready to send their kids to high school, while even more are preparing theirs to head off to college.  Schools, of course, focus on the kids.

I wish someone would focus on us moms!  While the dads at my son’s graduation all seemed genuinely happy for their kids, the women all looked like pale, ghost-like.  We feel it more deeply, whether our children are biological or adopted.  We feel the changing of the growing seasons in every fiber of our beings.  We weep.  We mourn the gradual loss of our children.  It’s natural.  But that doesn’t make it any less painful.


Note:  This was written in June of 2011 and has appeared twice on Jersey Moms Blog.

Curvy or Skeletal? How About Healthy?!

My sincerest apology to anyone who reads this. My local newspaper asked for my blog to appear on their site (gratis, of course), so I've been writing there. I will endeavor to update both sites at the same time. Here is my latest tirade.


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Curvy or Skeletal? How About Healthy!

In the 10/15 issue of The Newark Star-Ledger, the column Vicki's Dish posted a quote from fashion designer, Karl Lagerfeld. Mr. Lagerfeld was "responding to a German magazine's decision to ban ultra-skinny models from its pages, to the German magazine Focus." The quote reads:

"No one wants to see curvy women. You've got fat mothers with their bags of chips sitting in front of the television and saying that thin models are ugly."

Really.

Considering that the average American women is a size 14, obviously SOME PEOPLE want to see curvy women. Curves make women more interesting and desirable, perhaps because men don’t have them. When you think of curves, think Mae West. Think Venus DeMilo. Think Marilyn Monroe. Women were meant to be curvy...and healthy. Not the emaciated stick figures that appear in most magazines. In fact, I think most women would like to see models with a bit more meat on them to accurately reflect what clothes would look like on real women.

And as for "fat mothers with their bags of chips," most stay-at-home moms that I know are far too busy taking care of their children and their house to be sitting around munching chips. That just feeds into the stereotype that all we do is sit around all day eating bon bons. I would challenge Mr. Lagerfeld to take care of my 4-year old and house and find time to squeeze in a bag of Lays. Ain't gonna happen pal.

And yes, many thin models are unhealthily thin. Setting them up as an unhealthy image as “the ideal” results in the many first graders I know who want to go on diets. We set our daughters up for failure and then want to know why their self-esteem is so low. Wouldn’t it be better to, as we’ve started doing, encourage them to eat right and exercise in order to be healthy rather than telling them to be thin so they’ll fit society’s (and this fool’s) image of “pretty”?

In conclusion, I would hope that this fashion designer refrains from, in my opinion, spouting further verbal diarrhea and the media from printing it. Stuff like that serves no purpose except as another media myth I'll have the challenge of teaching my kids to disregard.