A Literary Sedative For Kids - Dr. Seuss's Sleep Book - A MUST HAVE For ALL Parents

My children are having a difficult time adjusting from West Coast time to East Coast hours. Their sleep patterns are scrambled. While I could probably give them a tiny bit of melatonin, I'm, instead, taking the literary road – with Dr. Seuss's Sleep Book.

I discovered this tome when the Teen was maybe 2 and it's been my “emergency sedative” for him and my daughter ever since. Dr. Seuss tells the story of Van Vleck, a very small bug who is getting sleeeeepy. His yawn (they're contagious, you know) sets off a chain reaction which makes those around him tired and gradually spreads world-wide.

In the book's pages you'll meet all kinds of exotic creatures including stilt-walkers, the Hinkle-Horn Honking Club, the collapsible Frink, Joe and Mo Redd-Zoff, the Hoop-Soup-Snoop Group, the Curious Crandalls, Chippendale Mupp (who bites his tail), Mr. and Mrs. J. Carmichael Krox, snorers who make music, a dreaming moose and goose, the Bumble-Tub Club which is sleeping afloat, and the salesmen in the Vale of Va-Vode sleeping all over the road (and everywhere else). 

The book's cadence is mesmerizing as it lulls you into a state of relaxation. Reading it to your child, you will find yourself calmer and yawning along with your child. It is the BEST Dr. Seuss book you'll ever read and is the next best thing to a ride in the car to help your child fall asleep. Buy it, read it, keep it. You may even use it after the kids move out.

Please note that this posting originally appeared on www.thegeekparent.com.  

The Red Hoodie

As kids get older, they're supposed to give up special objects they're attached to, right? Maybe. I know plenty of adults who had significant objects they're used to and would miss if the objects were gone. Note that I am NOT talking about technology which contains important information we cannot live without. But every time I lose a pair of earrings or leave a pair of flip flops behind on vacation, I'm a little sad. So I guess I should not be surprised by the red sweatshirt.

Every year for the last few, my teenager has become one with a hoodie. It doesn't matter if he's picked it out or it was given to him. He wears one zip-up sweatshirt...in all types of weather...no matter what. Here's the current model:

Note that he's wearing it at the pool... on a 105 degree day... in the sun. He wore it, and only it, over a shirt when the weather was 10 below zero. He wore it earlier today while he was jogging in 100 degrees. He wears it in the rain, sleet, and snow.

Junior does not let me wash the hoodie. It has crumbs from a thousand protein bars in its pockets. It has stains from burritos and pizza. It smells putrid, like something the EPA fines municipalities for. My husband and I joke that it probably contains bacteria like listeria and e-coli. Interestingly enough, my son takes pride in how absolutely disgusting his hoodie is.

I do, of course, wash it. When he's sleeping, the only time he takes it off, I secretively bring it down to the washing machine. The article gets washed alone, because the water it gets submerged in turns gray. It gets put in the dryer, sans dryer sheets which might make it smell nice, and then placed back in a heap by the front door for Junior to don in the morning.

My son will wear the hoodie until, like the Incredible Hulk, he's bursting out of it. Then, he'll either ask for or get a replacement from a friend or Nana.

It comforts me to know he's attached to something so inane. Someday, when he's a bit more grown, he'll bring home a girl and she'll either demand that he get rid of it or he'll ditch it for her. Until then, the repulsive hoodie is a reminder that he's still my little boy and, like his former favorite stuffed wolf, he needs an object of comfort. 

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Thank you for reading!  Please visit me on http://isithotinheremmm.blogspot.com.  

6 Games For Pool Fun When You Can't Use Toys

 

 

 

 

 

My town has two great pools, but the kids are not allowed to bring toys into the large, main pool. After they've place Marco Polo ad nauseum, they sometimes run out of games to play. So here are six alternatives:

1. Fetch (2 or more players) – Now, toys are not allowed, but goggles and hair accessories are. So one way we get around the rules is to use common permitted items that the kids can dive for, such as goggles (we even keep broken ones for this purpose), hair scrunchies, bracelets, etc. You throw one item and see which kid brings it to the surface first. Note: this can be played with one player if she competes against herself. To do this, time the player and see if she can beat her time in retrieving the object. 
2. Water Leapfrog (4 to 8 players) – Divide players into two teams. Each team is on opposite ends of the pool, standing in chest-high water with their legs spread apart. The last player has to dive and swim through the legs of his teammates and spread his legs. Then the next player goes. The team that reaches the other side of the pool first wins. 
3. What Time Is It Mr. Fox (3 or more players) – This is a variation of a game my son learned in preschool and it's awesome! One person is designated Mr. Fox and stands at the end of the pool while the rest of the players are on the other side. The kids call out, “What time is it Mr. Fox?” Then Mr. Fox says a time and the kids swim that number of strokes toward him. This goes on until Mr. Fox calls out, “Midnight!” Then all the kids swim back to the starting line while Mr. Fox tries to tag one. If Mr. Fox succeeds, that kid becomes the new Mr. Fox. 
4. Contests (2 or more players) – Which kid can dive into the pool: the furthest from the edge, make the smallest/largest splash, can do the funniest dive, can jump the highest into the pool, etc.
5. Sharks & Minnows (3 or more players) – One person is the Shark and stands in the deep end of the pool while the other players are on the side. The Shark yells “lunchtime” and the players standing on the side of the pool have 30 seconds to swim to the other side of the pool without being tagged. Anyone who is tagged has to join with the Shark and try to tag the remaining player(s). This goes on until either all of the kids are bored with playing or everyone has been tagged. 
6. Freeze (3 or more players) – Players gather in the shallow end of the pool with adults or bigger kids on their knees. Players define the physical boundaries of the game so that everyone can stand up. One person is It. At the signal, It has one minute to tag as many other players as possible. Once tagged, a player has to stand “frozen” and raise his hand. Before a frozen player can return to play, an unfrozen player must thaw him out by diving under water and swimming through his legs. A player can't be tagged as frozen while they're under water. At the end of the minute, count how many people It has frozen. Then choose another player to be It. Keep going until everyone gets a turn being It. The winner is the person who has frozen the most people while they were It.

Not being able to have have toys in the pool makes playing games hard, but not impossible. Use the activities above and challenge your kids to come up with even more variations of games they play on the playground. This Summer, like all, is unique. Enjoy it! 

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Gearing Up For Summer

  

Please note that although I was compensated for this post and that writing on this subject was suggested, all opinions are my own. 

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The kids are finally done with school. “Yeah” and “Oh my God!” While they're both going to half-day camp this summer, there's still a lot of days to fill (I counted – there are 77). Fortunately, we live in an area with tons of stuff to do outside. I may not be the most athletic or fit mom around, but I try.

Now, I've never camped but this year, we plan on spending at least one night in the backyard. But when I went pricing tents at our local Dick's Sporting Goods and Modell's, I had sticker-shock. Fortunately, there's a website called The Clymb that has outdoor equipment like camping gear, cycling equipment, etc., at bargain prices. They had a tent called The Lynx 4 which looks pretty simple to set up and even has a vestibule (?!) for extra storage. Even if we find out that camping isn't for us, The Lynx 4 will remain set up in the backyard for a few days because I think it would be a fun little place for my daughter and her friends to play in.  

We also like to go cycling as a family. It's a great way to see many of the sights we bypass too quickly when we're traveling by car. Cycling, whether locally or on vacation, is great fun as well as fantastic exercise. We chat while we're pedaling along and it's a wonderful way to catch up with my high school-bound teen who is too often so immersed in video that I forget what his face looks like. When we bicycle locally, my husband does not have a bike, so he runs alongside us and the kids have great fun “racing” their dad.

With the beach a scant 90 minutes away, we try to get down there every few weeks, more for my mental health than a family love for it. My daughter spends hours digging in the sand while hubby and son play football further up on the beach. One piece of equipment I think is essential is a yoga mat which is heavier than a blanket and cleans up far easier. It also provides a little cushion from the hot sand. That, combined with a cooler packed with water and ice pops as well as snacks, sunglasses and sunscreen make for a wonderful mini-vacation.

Between those mini-adventures, some day trips, camp, hanging out with friends at the pool and our upcoming vacation to Pennsylvania, my kids should have lots to talk about when they return to school in the Fall. These 77 days will fly by, filled with summer memories that will last a lifetime. There's lots to do. Let's get to it!

The Lynx 4 Tent - Looks like fun, right?

8 Ways To Make Your Theme Park Visit More Fun

Every year we make a pilgrimage to Hersheypark, the theme park in Hershey, Pennsylvania that really serves as a living advertisement for the Hershey Company. We've been doing it since my son was little and a he's kind of grown up there, passing through each of the height categories which they mark with a product line. He's gone from a Miniature (kids under 36”) to a Jolly Rancher (people who are 60” plus) in the blink of an eye. But we've also gone to plenty of other theme parks, including a few Six Flags, Knobels, and many owned by Disney. 

Over the years, we've developed some “coping strategies” to make theme park visits more pleasant and definitely more affordable. Here are some:

1. Be prepared – Check the park's website for information on how to pay (one park we visited did not take credit cards and we had to run into the nearest town to find an ATM). Find out if there are discount tickets available and figure out which best fit the needs of your family. Hershey offers a Sunset Pass which allows you to enter the park the evening before and enjoy the next day at a bargain price. Whereas this wasn't prudent when my kids were little and had earlier bedtimes, it's great for now when they're older. It means we get more time in the park resulting in less rushing around to see everything.
2. Find out if you can bring in food/water – Yes, this is part of “be prepared” but it's also a money-saving tip. Water costs a lot in these parks, so if you can' bring it in, enter with an empty water bottle and plan on filling up at water fountains or in the bathroom where you can often find the coldest water. Also, in hot weather, many parks are required by law to give you ice when you ask for it. You can hydrate on ice cold water at a fraction of the cost. Similarly, bringing in protein bars and fruit not only saves money, but calories.
3. Plan when to go – Weekends tend to be busier. Cloudy days and weekdays tend to be less busy. Find out if there are any giveaways or special events planned. Those will make the park more congested as well.
4. Buy park souvenirs outside the park – We've found t-shirts and other items with the park's name on them, for a fraction of the cost, at a local Walmart and other retailers.
5. Do recon on the park and develope a strategy – Grab a map of the park, hopefully before your trip, and decide which rides are musts; then head to those first when you enter. By doing that, you'll avoid disappointment when the rides get super long, when the kids get cranky, or if inclement weather hits. If possible, make an itinerary. We always hit the attractions furthest from the entrance, so while most people are meandering through the park toward the back, we're working out way forward, thus avoiding the crowds. Know where shelter is (perhaps in a theater or arcade) and what might be air conditioned. On hot days, knowing where to find cool air will save you.
6. Pack a waterproof bag or backpack – You'll be living in your bag while you're at the park, so make sure it's durable and preferably waterproof. Stock it with hand sanitizer, cheap plastic ponchos, a first aid kit in a Ziploc bag, and sunscreen. Pack extra Ziploc bags to put electronics in to protect them from water rides, spills, or rain.
7. Take pictures of your kids when they first enter the park – In case you get separated, you'll be able to show people what your children look like and what they were last wearing.
8. Take breaks – Your visit isn't a race, it's an experience. Take into account that little feet need to rest. Don't rush the day; savor it.

Yep. We're headed to Hersheypark next month, as we have for the last decade.  The one year we didn't go, the kids missed it terribly and it was then that I realized how much they looked forward to it and how the pilgrimage had become an important part of their childhood memories.  Coping strategies won't entirely eliminate the stress of going, but will minimize it, allowing all of us to enjoy a rare day together, as as family.

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Note:  This post first appeared on the website "Is It Hot In Here?" Menopause, Motherhood & More

Father's Day Funnies

 My daughter and I went to Macy's yesterday to get her father a present. Apparently we were not the only last-minute shoppers. The store's Men's Department looked like a cyclone had hit it. We eventually picked out a tie and shirt for Diva's dad, which got me thinking about some of the funniest quotes by and about fathers that I've seen in Cyberspace. Here are a few:

• "Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up." - Ray Romano

• "My father only hit me once -- but he used a Volvo." -- Bob Monkhouse

• In 1900, fathers passed on clothing to their sons. Today, kids wouldn't touch dad's clothes if they were sliding naked down an icicle. – Source Unknown

• "There should be a children’s song 'If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.'" - Jim Gaffigan

• "I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, 'My dad can beat up your dad.' I'd say, 'Yeah? When?'” -- Bill Hicks

• "Daddy, Daddy, can I have another glass of water please?" "But I've given you 10 glasses of water already!" "Yes, but the bedroom is still on fire!" – Source Unknown

• "My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic." -- Spike Mulligan

• One evening, while sitting around the dinner table, a little girl looked up and asked her father, "Daddy, you're the boss, right?" Her father was very pleased by this and replied, "Yes." Then, the little girl continued, "That's because mommy put you in charge, right?" – Source Unknown

• “Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.” - Bill Cosby

• “You gotta love dads. At my wedding, when I tripped on my wedding dress and fell flat on my face, Dad said, 'Don’t worry, you’ll do better next time.'” – Melanie White

Happy Father's Day, Gentlemen!

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Please note that a version of this article appeared on the website:  www.thegeekparent.com.  

The Soothsoft Mini Chillow Could Help Kids With Fevers

On my other blog, "Is It Hot In Here?" Menopause, Motherhood & More (http://isithotinheremmm.blogspot.com/2014/06/product-review-soothsoft-mini-chillow.html), I recently wrote a review of the Soothsoft Mini Chillow which is helping me with the hot flashes I get in the middle of the night.  Here, I want to review this product as something that could, potentially, help a sick kid.

Now, the Chillow is a water-cooled cushion that contains memory foam to keep you cool without electricity. I'd read mixed reviews on Amazon, but decided to try it, so I bought, not the full one, but the Mini model.

When you get it, you have to fill the Chillow up with water. This is the trickiest part because you will spill some. The trick is to hold the opening up with one hand while filling the product with the other hand. Then, after the foam absorbs the water, you carefully squeeze the air out during which you spill even more water. I had to squeeze the air out twice to have the Chillow look like it's supposed to in the instructions. You let the thing “rest” for four hours before using and, to get it even cooler, can put it in the refrigerator for up to 30 minutes before using.

After using the Mini Chillow for about a week now, I can tell you that it is not like putting your head something cold; rather, it is cool to the touch. It can absorb body heat, so I don't think you could honestly expect it to cool you down the whole night, but if you turn it around several times, it will definitely stay cool for several hours.  It does have a kind of weird, burnt smell that threw me off the first night or two that I used it, but that smell has subsided. Using it with a pillow case, obviously, raises the temperature a bit, however, since I don't mind sleeping on the plastic side of it, I stopped using it with a pillowcase.

Yes, it helps with hot flashes, but I think it could really help a child who is sick with a fever.  The temperature is soothing and since it doesn't require batteries and is medication free, it would be good for a kid who is, perhaps, age 4 and up since I think it could be somewhat of a suffocation hazard for a child younger than that.  I understand from some of the reviews on Amazon that the product tends to leak or smell funny after a year, but for under $20, I'm willing to spend that for something that helps me sleep.  It could also come in handy when you need a cool, not cold, compress. 

My daughter has always felt warmer to the touch than other kids.  I suspect that she just has a slightly higher body temperature than most.  And since her bedroom tends to be warmer than other parts of the house, even with the central air on, I think this could help her and would certainly help kids whose houses don't have air conditioning. 

Again, the Mini Chillow is available on Amazon.com, I've seen it at Wal-Mart and a few other stores.  I think it's worth keeping in the house for when your child runs a fever. 

The Crock-Pot - One Of Mom's Best Friends

Summertime means we're getting BUSY...camps, the pool, day trips.  Thinking about dinner isn't something I really want to do, so the appliance I most treasure in the world continues to work for me during the summer:  the crockpot. 

Even before I had kids, I marveled at this low-wattage miracle device which allowed me to, literally, throw in a bunch of ingredients (2 points if I get the carrots in) and after a long day at work, come home to a hot, delicious meal. Even if I had errands or chores (shoveling snow, for example), the food usually didn't burn and if it did, it wasn't a lot. I'd walk in to a house so fragrant, one would swear someone had been cooking all day just for my pleasure.

Now that I have kids and a husband who works long hours, I still rely on the crock-pot for its simplicity and convenience. The devices are fairly inexpensive (in the $20 to $150 range) and the one I have has a 4-quart capacity which is perfect for my family. To learn more about choosing a slow-cooker, visit About.com (http://cookingequipment.about.com/od/slowcooker1/a/Aboutslowcooker.htm). Also, since I'm a renowned culinary disaster, I redeem myself with this appliance.

Here are three of my favorite recipes:

Turkey Chili

I make this at least once a week because my son loves it and it freezes well. Come to think of it, most of the crock-pot dishes I make freeze well...

Ingredients:

1-1/2 to 2 pounds of ground turkey

2 15.5 cans of drained black beans

1 28 oz. can of crushed tomatoes (I'd use diced tomatoes, but the boy can't stand tomato chunks.)

1 or 2 packages of chili mix (depending on how spicy I want it)

1 40 oz. can of drained red kidney beans

Directions:

1. Spray the inside of the pot with cooking spray.
2. Add all ingredients and set on the Low setting to cook for about 8 hours.
3. Stir periodically.

Variations: I've added some canned corn and frozen chopped spinach, served it over brown rice, and thrown a tablespoon or two of sour cream and diced Mexican cheese on top just for fun. To stretch it, add a can of Hormel chili.

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Turkey Meatloaf

Again, an easy-peasy recipe that yields the filling for an amazing sandwich the next day.

Ingredients:

2 pounds of ground turkey

2 eggs, beaten (or 1/3 cup of liquid egg whites)

¾ cup of milk or water

3/4 cup dry breadcrumbs (I use whole wheat ones)

1 cup of ketchup

Directions:

1. Spray the inside of the pot with cooking spray.
2. In a large bowl, combine the eggs, milk or water, breadcrumbs, and meat. Mix thoroughly and shape into a large ball. The ball should be large enough that it won't touch the sides of the pot.
3. Place the ball into the pot and add about ½ cup of water.
4. Pour the ketchup over the top and cook on Low for 6 to 8 hours.

Variations: To get extra vegetables into my son, I've added a jar of babyfood – squash or sweet potatos work well. You may need to increase the amount of breadcrumbs by ½ cup if you do this.

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Chicken Soup

Ingredients:

1 to 2 cups of shredded chicken (I use thighs because they're cheaper than breasts.)

1 cup of water

2 cups of frozen, diced vegetables (Generic ones from the grocery store work fine, just be careful what they have in them. If there's a lima bean in the assortment, my kids won't touch the soup.)

6 cups of chicken broth or 6 chicken bouillon cubes

leftover rice or pasta, if you have any

salt and pepper to taste

Directions:

1. Put all of the ingredients in the slow cooker and cook on Low for 6 to 8 hours. Taste periodically and adjust the seasonings to whatever you like.

I've served this over rice, added leftover vegetables and had fun with this recipe. Ask a young child to help – they love it.

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For more crock-pot recipes, visit the following sites:

CookingLight.com – Here's the link to a whopping 105 slow-cooker recipes: http://www.cookinglight.com/food/top-rated-recipes/slow-cooker-favorites-00400000038588/

Spoonful.com – This link has 30 recipes: http://spoonful.com/recipes/slow-cooker-recipes

Chef-In-Training.com – Nikki lists 50 recipes here: http://www.chef-in-training.com/2012/08/50-slow-cooker-recipes

CrockpotLadies.com – They list an Apple Pie Moonshine that sounds compelling. Their link is http://crockpotladies.com

About.com – Linda Larsen has a great article on 5-ingredient recipes here: http://busycooks.about.com/od/fiveingredientsorles1/a/5ingredient.htm

Foodnetwork.com – Probably the best cooking site for cooking. Their Slow Cooker Collection can be found at http://www.foodnetwork.com/search/delegate.do?fnSearchString=slow+cooker&fnSearchType=site

Blogging About Teens Is A Combustible Thing

Teens are like fireworks - ready to explode!

Recently, a friend on Facebook was lamenting about how difficult the teenage years are for parents and how, in stark contrast to the number of women blogging about their kids' younger years, there aren't that many of us blogging about the teens. I often mention Junior, who is 13, but I understand why there aren't more of us writing covering this time of life; there are multiple reasons, including, but not limited to:

• We're busy because kids at this age are busy. I'm driving Junior to friends' houses, activities, etc.
  
  
• In addition to our teen, we often have other kids, and keeping the family in check is hard. Schedules are, once again, hectic and trying to keep track of who is where is a challenge.
  
  
• The potential to wound your kids psychologically is enormous, never more so than when they're teens. This embarrassment factor, which can be fun and powerful, can also be damaging to parent-teen relationships. As parents, we realize that our time with these changlings is extremely limited and I, for one, don't want to mess that up by ticking Junior off too badly.
  
  
• They're volatile and bat-shit crazy at this age. Their hormones are racing around, their bodies are topsy-turvy, their relationships are confusing and there's a lot of pressure at school.  Basically, they're tornadoes with legs. Who wants to unnecessarily be on the wrong end of that?
  
  
• What goes on the Web, even if it's taken down, stays on the Web. I, for one, don't want to say the wrong thing which can somehow become a permanent part of Junior's digital footprint.
  
  
• Kids change less quickly during the teenage years than when they were toddlers. The changes are ultimately larger, but they can also be more subtle and less observable when you're with the kids on a daily basis. 
  
  
• Parents of these kids may be in denial. I don't want to think about Junior growing up and moving away and if I don't write about it, then I don't have to face it...until it becomes absolutely necessary.  
  
  
• Many people re-enter the workforce (as I'm trying to do) when their kids become teens and just don't have the time.
  

So I, for one, choose to write about my teen in limited doses, focusing more on how the changes in him affect me, how they're a part of my parenting journey. These are bittersweet years, unlike the predominately joyful first few; they are to be savored and sometimes, just endured.


No, there aren't as many moms writing about teens, so listen to those of us who do (and remember that in addition to the blog you're reading right now, I write another one: http://isithotinheremmm.blogspot.com). Even if your kid is little, your time is coming.  Learn from those us in the midst right now.  And bring cookies. 

A Sensible Approach To Gift Giving

Even without the extreme force-feeding of Christmas that's currently going on in America, our family is usually thinking about gift-giving right about now. My daughter just had a birthday, another family member has one coming up, plus we celebrate Hanukkah in addition to the Yuletide. That's a lot of gifts in a very short period of time. Fortunately, our gift-giving traditions are as old as my marriage.


In our early days, my husband and I continually missed the mark when we were shopping for each other. Though our intentions were loving, we inevitably wound up gently asking the other for the receipts each time one gave the other a gift. For me the clincher was hubby's giving me duck canisters (yes, canisters shaped like a duck family wearing little sailor suits) for one of our anniversaries. Practical, yes, romantic, no. Shortly thereafter we put into place a procedure for gift-giving that GUARANTEES that: a) the buyer isn't wasting money getting the giver something he/she doesn't want b) the recipient gets what he/she wants. Here's how it goes:


The person who will receive the gift gives the giver a list of three things that she wants. In my case, I include the store or website where a gift can be found, pricing, the size, color, etc. If possible, I also include a picture. This makes it VERY easy for the giver to either shop on his own or take the kids to the store to get it. If the giver wants to purchase more than one gift on the list, no problem, but we're sure to get something we want. Genius, right?


And since we celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah, we've made Hanukkah “the literary holiday” with each of my kids getting a book on the first night only. The rest of the holiday gifts wait for Christmas morning. My husband, who is Jewish, also gets one present the first night of Hanukkah.


As for Christmas, the kids get three gifts: one from us and two from Santa plus filled stockings. Since we have a very small family, there is no fgift overload. And we make sure we participate in our church's Mantle Of Giving where we purchase one toy and a book for an underprivileged child.


No bank accounts are broken, the kids know the holidays do not revolve around getting, and everyone is happy. Of course, one of the more fun traditions for us is the wrapping. My husband, by his own account, is not a great gift-wrapper, so unless we have a large supply of gift bags or he cajoles the 8-year old, who wraps better than either her father or brother, into helping, he's on his own. And he's come up with some imaginative wrapping. From brown grocery bags to newspaper, to wrapping a gift in his bathrobe, his gift wrapping is always amusing. My favorite was the time he wrapped one of my gifts in our dog's holey, smelly, dull, brown blankie. I have no idea what he gave me that year, but the wrapping was hilarious.


Using the List approach has diminished the amount of gift-giving stress immensely. And, again, it makes sure that everyone is happy because if they're not, it's because the recipient mistakenly mislead the giver. Try it and let me know how it worked for you!


Thank you for reading! And please visit my other blog at http://isithotinheremmm.blogspot.com.

It MUST Be Me...

Our family caught with friends and acquaintances this summer.  These are people we like and generally respect; however, I’m flummoxed by responses to some of their children’s behavior and by what they ask their kids to do.

Case in point: Bob and Carol (not their real names) are lovely people whom we’ve known for many years. Their son is Little Timmy, age 7. The other day, Carol told me that their sweet little boy:

• Regularly strips down naked in the house and then jumps up and down on the couch in front of a curtainless window.
• Likes to periodically pee on the front lawn.
• Goes around the house and finishes all the half-full wine coolers he can find.

Carol thinks this is very funny; so funny, that she posts Timmy's antics on Facebook. Bob works late and, although he hears about these little episodes, isn’t around to correct them.

It must be me, because I find Little Timmy’s behavior disturbing. Since Timmy is 7, I would think he should know better and if he doesn't, he’s obviously not being appropriately corrected. I’m just thankful I’m not the neighbors.

Here’s something else I don’t understand: Betty Sue (again, not her real name) is 11, a fine, sweet girl who lives a few houses down from me. I recently saw her strolling up the block carrying a 6-pack of beer. She was carrying it to another neighbor’s house where Mom and Dad were partying with friends on the front lawn. Apparently the party needed more alcohol and who better to fetch it than an 11 year old? Putting aside the fact that we live in an upscale suburb and that the adults were partying on the front lawn like a bunch of frat boys, it must be me who thinks is inappropriate because clearly, Betty Sue’s parents did not.

I do not consider my husband and I prudes. Ok, so we regulate how much sweets our kids have (my daughter has notoriously bad teeth) and how much video they watch lest their brains become mush. But I hope that’s responsible parenting. My children can choose to be naked…in the bathroom and in their bedrooms. And they are free to pee…in the bathroom. No, they cannot drink alcohol before the legal age (besides it being the law and unhealthy, we’re hoping to avoid the temptations of liquor until they’re older). And we would certainly never ask them to fetch alcohol for us; it just seems inappropriate.

My children are well aware of parenting styles we like and do not like. We’ve talked about stuff we deem appropriate and things “we, as a family do NOT do.” Lastly, we’ve discussed that adults parent their children as they see fit and we parent our children in accordance with our belief systems.

Based on what I’ve been told and seen, clearly, many others do not agree. I shake my head pretty often at what others permit their kids to do.  It must be me.

In Defense Of (Some, But Not All) Soccer Moms

Soccer Mom on the field at dawn.

It's the crack of dawn on a Sunday morning when I'd rather be sleeping. My plan today was to roll out of bed at 8am, have coffee, go to church, and spend the day reading the paper while my husband takes the kids out to the park. Instead, I'm bundled up in sweats and my winter coat. I have a warm woolen hat pulled down over my ears and if I could curl up into the fetal position I would. Instead my hefty bottom is plunked down into a folding canvas chair while a blanket from the car is swaddled around me. I am at my town's soccer playoffs watching my son. I am a soccer mom.


Now the term “Soccer Mom” has a negative connotation. It broadly refers to an American middle-class, suburban woman who spends a lot of time transporting her school-age children to their sporting events or other after-school activities. Sometimes she's portrayed in the media as being a bit neurotic and overprotective of her brood as she drives her minivan or SUV all over Suburbia. And, according to Wikipedia, “soccer moms are sometimes accused of forcing their children to go to too many after- activities” and “over-parenting them in concerted cultivation rather than letting them enjoy their childhood.”


While I have no doubt that that last part about over-parenting is true in quite a few cases, I need to defend those of us mini-van driving parents who do schlep our kids all over the place. Most of my peers drive our kids to places the children themselves want to go. As my husband pointed out to my wee folk a few weeks ago, without any prompting from me, “If your mother wasn't around after school, you two wouldn't be able to do half the things you like to do including having playdates and participating in sports!” When I was growing up, not only did my mother lack a car, but there wasn't the enormous assortment of extra-curricular activities my children can choose from today. How lucky today's youth are to be able to pick from a menu of classes and sports that suit their fancies! And as for the schlepping, do you really think I want to spend most of my evenings hauling kids to soccer fields and gymnastics practices? I would rather be home, cooking dinner and getting my brood ready for bed instead of driving and waiting for them to be finished. I, and women like me, do it because we want our children to try new things and be able to pursue what they love.

When bored, my 8-year old decided to roll down the hill.  I would have barfed...

So there I was, with 30 or so other parents, accompanied with my husband who was frantically trying to keep the 8-year old amused. The field we were sitting in was damp and wind whipped through my layers and my blanket. My hopes soared or sank with every soccer ball my son kicked or missed. I bit my tongue when parents from the opposing team gleefully cheered their sons on to win the town's championship. And I mentally slapped them silly with an invisible 2'x4' when they sarcastically taunted the losing team with “better luck next year.” Bite me, you *(&! twits!


When Junior's team lost, I cried inside and hugged him outside. He'll be back next year because he loves to play. I'll be back on the field because I love him. And this week, like most, I'll spend my evenings schlepping my very talented 8-year old to and from gymnastics practice, not because I want to, but because she loves the sport. Like most parents of budding athletes, sports is time-intensive and expensive, but we do it, not for ourselves, but for our children. Yep. I am, indeed, a soccer mom and proud of it!


By the way, as I was researching the term “soccer mom” for this post, I found this great little story on the website www.cafemom.com:


A mom was making breakfast of fried eggs for her young son. Suddenly, the boy bursts into the kitchen and starts yelling, “"Careful! Careful! Put in some more butter! Oh my goodness! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them. TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter! Oh my! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful! CAREFUL! I said CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you crazy! Have you lost your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!"

The mom stared at him. "What's wrong with you? You think I don't now how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The son calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm trying to play soccer."


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Thanks for reading! Come again, won't you?

The Mixed (Candy?) Bag That Is Halloween

My Diva wearing Junior's Halloween costume

So the biggest holiday outside of Christmas is three days away: Halloween, that formerly pagan celebration where parents spend mucho dinero on costumes the wee folk will wear for one day so they can go door-to-door begging for candy. I used to get really excited by it, but after spending 13 years of this celebration as a parent, I'm getting a bit weary. I mean, how much candy do kids really need?

The first Halloween we owned our house, I arrived home at about 5:30pm and was just getting out of my car when I heard a cry in the street: “She's home! Get her!” I looked up to find a gang of about eight kids, in costume, running down the hill toward me, their goodie bags open expectantly. I quickly hightailed it into the house and had about a minute before eight little fists began impatiently banging on the door. Talk about a Halloween haunting!

Maybe that's why I feel so ambivalent about Halloween. While I'm delighted that my children have so much fun dressing up and foraging for sugar, there are aspects of the holiday I'm not so keen on.  All of the comparing, for example.  Who has the “better” costume? Who gets the most candy? Who gives out the best candy? Who went out the longest? Which neighborhoods have the best houses from which to score the most/best candy? Why can't they just, as the kindergarteners used to chant, “get what we get and not get upset”?  Also, there is often an appalling lack of manners in the kids who come to my door.  Unless the kids are little with parents behind them prompting, I get a lot of kids at my door who don't even say “thank-you” for the candy I hand them. When I take my daughter out, if I don't hear her give thanks at every door, we stop and review. 

And there's the grossness of some decorations.  I blogged some time ago about how I didn't appreciate how graphic some of my neighbors made their Halloween decorations. They put out some realistic depictions of dismembered bodies that little ones found horribly scary and repulsed me. While I appreciate “freedom of expression,” I also think common sense is in order and wish people would refrain from displaying stuff that scars little kids. And to those who commented on that post that I need to “lighten up” on this attitude, please  list your phone number so that those parents whose toddlers are up at midnight, screaming because of the display on your lawn, might call and keep you up the way the memories of your display are keeping their kids up.

Still, Halloween is fun. Many of the costumes are cute and clever and it's adorable seeing the kids scamper up and down my block with looks of absolute joy on their faces. Then there's the post-trick-or-treating candy negotiations.  When my daughter was a toddler, before she could even read the words on the candy labels, she held her own as she and her brother gleefully surveyed their loot and then traded for whichever candy each liked best. My favorite part of Halloween is, of course, after the kids are asleep and I get to raid their stashes for Snickers or Butterfingers bars. 


No, the kids don't need candy. But in this day and age when kids are being forced to grow up so fast and when they're all virtually addicted to video screens, it's nice that they can have one day of wild abandon when they can just run around and be children. My weariness doesn't matter; those negative aspects of the holiday are purely my issues. One day in the not-to-distant future, I'll be one of those older people who smiles wistfully at the little skeletons and witches at my door, remembering my own wee folk at that age.  is Halloween is truly for the kids. I hope yours have a happy, happy day!

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Thank you for reading!  Come again, won't you?

How To Make A Nightmare Catcher - An Empowering Tool

At some point, each of my kids has gone through stages in which they have nightmares.  For my daughter it was especially difficult because for many years she'd also had night terrors; thus, nighttime has always been rough for us.  So when she had nightmares two nights in a row this past weekend, I took action.  Enter The Nightmare Catcher.

I came up with this years ago when her brother couldn't sleep.  You know the Native American  idea of a Dream Catcher?  It's just like that - only scary - for the nightmares.  I found it empowered my kids and gave them a tool to not only fight the scaries but feel safer.  We hung it in the doorway of my daughter's bedroom.  Here's what it looks like from both sides:

Before you make it, you're gonna have to sell the concept.  Ask your child to think about what the nightmares look like and what would repel them.  What would keep nightmares away?  I tell my kids that love, family,  and positive energy make nightmares sick, so symbols of those things help.  Then we get busy with making!  Before I list the materials needed, remember that it's all about giving your kid control over the situation and the project because only your kid knows what the nightmares look like.  It's also about improvising with stuff you have around the house.  No two Nightmare Catchers are alike.

Suggested Materials List

Sticks (Or something to use as the frame.  We gathered sticks from the backyard and she chose how big she wanted the Nightmare Catcher to be.)
String (or something to use as the web)
Buttons, jingle bells (or something that makes noise - this adds another sensory dimension to the project), charms, family pictures, cheap jewelry, lightweight cars, etc.)
A glue gun

Instructions

1.  Form the sticks into a frame.  In ours, we used old chandelier wire and tied the sticks together, weaving them together in a figure 8.  Add a string at the top so it can hang from the door.

2.  Weave the string through the catcher, kind of like a spider weaves a web.  Add as much or as little as your child thinks is necessary.  Since only they know how large their nightmare is, they should tell you how much to use.

3.  Plan what trinkets you're going to put where.  This is where your kid can go crazy!  I've found that adding stuff to both sides helps because your kid can look at it from inside their room and the flip side "repels" the nightmares.    Hot glue the trinkets whereever your "expert" wants you to.

When it's done, hang it on the outside of the door.  For extra "protection" spray some of your perfume or some other scent into the Nightmare Catcher. 

Now, this does require a little maintenance.  Every morning (or when your kid reminds you), you'll need to "empty" the Nightmare Catcher.  We take it down and either wave it outside to "release" the nightmares or wave it over the toilet to flush them down. 

If it's not working, see if you can add more stuff to the Nightmare Catcher.  Maybe it needs to be "stronger." 

I hope this works as well for you as it has for me.  And thank you for reading my non-expert blog (as Martha Stewart recently pointed out - truth be told, I've never read a blog by someone claiming to be an expert!).

:))

Pardon Me While I Vent About Other Parents Being Late

Maybe I'm a witch, but I don't appreciate late pick-ups for playdates

Sorry, folks, but I have to vent.  My daughter recently had a new friend, Stacy, over for a playdate.  Now new playdates are dicey because kids who get along in school and on the blacktop don't always get along when it's just the two of them at someone's house.  So I asked the mom to pick the kid up after two hours.  "No can do," the woman replied.  "My other daughter has a dance class.  I can't pick up until 6 o'clock."  I understand that because we run around a lot, too.  So I hesitantly agreed;I mean we were going to be home anyway.   Still, I was nervous because that's really long for a first-time playdate.  Thank God Stacy was nice, polite, sweet, and calm.  But 6pm came and went and still no sign of Stacy's Mom.   Again, we weren't rushing anywhere so I didn't call the mother, figuring she's probably stuck in traffic.  It's dinnertime, so I make an extra portion of dinner and feed my own kids plus a very hungry Stacy.  6:30 passes and still no Mom.  I am getting ticked.    Finally, at 7pm, Stacy's mom shows up without any apologies, mumbles a "thank you" and the two quickly leave.

What just happened? Apparently nothing involving common courtesy!    I've been a few minutes late to playdate pick-ups (hey - stuff happens), but not without a profusely apologetic phone call or a text!  Unfortunately, not respecting pick-up times is not unusual these days. 

The first time it happened, Junior was in kindergarten and the playdate was sandwiched in between the end of school and his tae kwon do.  David's mom was two hours late.  What to do?  I tried calling the Mom, but there was no answer.  I still had to get Junior to class, so I got him ready to go, stuck a note on my door for the mother, plopped both kids in the car (this was before I had my daughter), and started backing out of the driveway.  A car pulls up.  "Where are you taking my son?" David's mother demanded.  "Well, you're an hour late picking him up and I have to get my son to a class so I was going to take your child with me," I replied.  "You had no right to take my son anywhere!" said David's mother, grabbing the child and dragging him to her car.  And YOU had no right to be that late and unavailable!

Last story:  Junior, now 13, invited two friends over for lunch this summer.  He told them they needed to be picked up at 5pm.  5 o'clock came and went, 5:30 arrived and still no word from the other parents.  Supposedly the boys had texted their parents who were allegedly on their way (I live in a small town - it does NOT take 1/2 an hour to get from one section to the other).  This was on a Saturday and my husband was now ravenous for dinner.  "WTF?" he asks.  I yawned and explained it's happened before.  Since NO ONE was coming for our guests, my spouse wound up taking both boys home.

If either of my kids wants to go over someone's house, I ask what time they should be picked up.  If I can't pick up at the time requested, the kid doesn't go.  Parents who are kind enough to host a playdate should not be inconvenienced, no matter how much the kids want to play together.  And, as I said, if I'm running a wee bit late (never more than 5 minutes - tops), I call or text with heartfelt apologies. 

The end result?  If I can't rely on some parents to respect my pick-up times, their children cannot come to play with my kids.  It's a shame, too,  because these are nice, well-mannered kids.  Nevertheless, our schedule as a family goes on and should not be subjected to the discourtesy of other parents.  It's sad, but when it comes to playdates, the sins of the parents unfortunately effect the lives of their children. 

I'm Back! And Mom Is STILL Having Trouble Growing Up

After maintaining a different blog and woefully neglecting this one, I am back with new stories about my mothering journey.  They're coming up, but in the meantime, here's a post I wrote a few years back which is really appropriate with the recent start of another school year.  Get your tissues ready - mine are!

Mom's Having Trouble Growing Up

Today I saw an acquaintance in Shop-Rite.  Our eyes lock before filling with tears.  Our brains registered, simultaneously, with the same thought, the same realization, the same sadness.  We are mothers.  Our kids have just graduated 5th grade, leaving the younger part of childhood behind.  As the kids experience growing pains, we, as mothers, are too.

People tell us all the time to enjoy the kids while they’re young.  We do. We meticulously take so many pictures and videos of them, that they’ve become like celebrities around paparazzi.  They’re used to being filmed.   And as much as we want to absorb EVERY FIBER, EVERY MOMENT of their childhood, it’s impossible.  There are too many of those moments and our brains just can’t do it.  Besides, absorbing those moments won’t bring them back.  That’s life.

But I wasn’t prepared for the agony this part of motherhood brings.  The natural progression of my children away from me is immensely painful just as being with them, watching them, is exquisite.  The pain is always present, of course.  Most of the time I’m able to push it away along with other painful truths like the inevitability of death.  The pain of growth throbs again on every birthday, theirs or mine, as I realize we’re moving toward some excruciating farewells.

At my son’s 5th grade graduation yesterday, I could not stop the tears from flowing.  It was embarrassing.  Junior is growing into a wonderful person whom I cannot fathom myself without.  He is on the precipice of the difficult years of puberty.  He has his whole life ahead of him; much of it he will spend without me by his side.  Sure, I’ll be there as a reference, as a safety net, but I’m gradually losing him.  He is afraid.  I am afraid.   And I am sad.

Yet clutching my precious son to me is not an option.  He is a separate entity, as he should be, as he must be.  He cannot be held back.  Just as the sun comes up day after day, even as something life-changing happens, we both have to go on.  His growth is a beautiful, miraculous thing.

Mothers, for centuries, have faced the approaching empty nest.  In my town alone, 450 of us are getting ready to transition our preschoolers into elementary school; another 450 are prepping our elementary school kids to go to middle school.  The same number are getting ready to send their kids to high school, while even more are preparing theirs to head off to college.  Schools, of course, focus on the kids.

I wish someone would focus on us moms!  While the dads at my son’s graduation all seemed genuinely happy for their kids, the women all looked like pale, ghost-like.  We feel it more deeply, whether our children are biological or adopted.  We feel the changing of the growing seasons in every fiber of our beings.  We weep.  We mourn the gradual loss of our children.  It’s natural.  But that doesn’t make it any less painful.


Note:  This was written in June of 2011 and has appeared twice on Jersey Moms Blog.

Taking Time To Breathe

It’s been almost 2 weeks since Halloween and I can finally breathe. The final tally:
Junior had 1 parade and 3 parties to attend. Diva had 1 parade and 4 parties to attend. Oh, and they both trick-or-treated, of course. He had only one costume, a paper one at that, which survived the intermittent rain on Halloween. She had 4 costume changes, the most important being the one I made for her. Candy has been sorted, consumed, given to Dad to bring to work, and put aside for the school collection involving sending some overseas to the soldiers.

Ahhh….

Then my husband went to the hospital for elective brain surgery. And, despite his convictions that the removed growth and operation would either A) kill him, or B) render him with fewer brain cells than he had before, all seems to be well. Except for a few staples in his head (the kids & I think they look cool, he, understandably, disagrees) and some barbaric memories of the procedure, he’s fine.

Ahhh….

Now we’re gearing up for Thanksgiving at our house. Then Chanukah. Then Christmas. Then New Year’s.

I’m not complaining, just breathing.

Many years ago I volunteered for a hospice. I participated in 6 weeks of intense training regarding religious beliefs about death, rituals, and the physical symptoms of a patient’s impending end of life. And, boy, did I get perspective.

People in nursing homes, people whose lives have been shattered by tragedy – would give ANYTHING for the normal, albeit hectic, life I’m living.

So much to be grateful for. Now, mom, breathe…..