Sunday, June 15, 2014

Father's Day Funnies

 My daughter and I went to Macy's yesterday to get her father a present. Apparently we were not the only last-minute shoppers. The store's Men's Department looked like a cyclone had hit it. We eventually picked out a tie and shirt for Diva's dad, which got me thinking about some of the funniest quotes by and about fathers that I've seen in Cyberspace. Here are a few:
  • "Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up." - Ray Romano
  • "My father only hit me once -- but he used a Volvo." -- Bob Monkhouse
  • In 1900, fathers passed on clothing to their sons. Today, kids wouldn't touch dad's clothes if they were sliding naked down an icicle. – Source Unknown
  • "There should be a children’s song 'If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.'" - Jim Gaffigan
  • "I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, 'My dad can beat up your dad.' I'd say, 'Yeah? When?'” -- Bill Hicks
  • "Daddy, Daddy, can I have another glass of water please?" "But I've given you 10 glasses of water already!" "Yes, but the bedroom is still on fire!" – Source Unknown
  • "My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic." -- Spike Mulligan
  • One evening, while sitting around the dinner table, a little girl looked up and asked her father, "Daddy, you're the boss, right?" Her father was very pleased by this and replied, "Yes." Then, the little girl continued, "That's because mommy put you in charge, right?" – Source Unknown
  • “Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.” - Bill Cosby
  • “You gotta love dads. At my wedding, when I tripped on my wedding dress and fell flat on my face, Dad said, 'Don’t worry, you’ll do better next time.'” – Melanie White
Happy Father's Day, Gentlemen!


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