Every Mother’s Day for the last ten years, my husband has asked me what I want. EVERY year I’ve said the same thing: sleep. And he always tells me “that’s too expensive” and buys me something instead. The gifts are very nice and much appreciated, but I’m starting to see that I’ve got as much chance of getting sleep as I have of getting Sofia Vergara’s body (she’s the very hot mom on the TV show Modern Family).
So here, for all the world to see, is what I want for Mother’s Day 2010:
- A universal mute button that works on children, spouses, extended family, Stepford Wife PTA-moms, and anyone else I don’t feel like listening to at any given moment.
- Fat-eating chocolate.
- Dust bunnies that clean house.
- An intravenous coffee drip.
- Clothes that automatically make me look 20 pounds lighter and launder themselves.
- A block full of neighbors who can get together without drinking alcohol in public and don’t allow their children to stay out, screaming, until 10PM on school nights.
- A Woomba (see http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/woomba/229062/)
- Android playmates for my kids for those days when all I hear is “I want a playdate” and the neighbors have barricaded their doors.
- A bed that automatically regulates itself to my body temperature.
- A bed with an ejection button for those times when I want to sleep alone.
In lieu of the above, I will welcome any phone/gadget with technology that will allow me to write my blog and upload it without barricading myself in our computer room after the kids go to bed.